i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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