3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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