Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
