i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
