i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
