According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
being pregnant is like rehab
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
