I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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