Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
