i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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