out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
