Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
