He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
