Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
