if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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