the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
