Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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