Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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