I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
