Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
