if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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