i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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