the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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