There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
you made out with another girl for some wings
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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