Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
