I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Even my vagina gasped.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
