I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She bit a glass in half.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
