that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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