high people should be assigned attendants
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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