If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
