I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
