I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
