Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
