a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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