Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
