what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You're like the curious george of whores
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
