I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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