Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize