Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
