I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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