i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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