hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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