just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
