If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
