she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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