Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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