No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
