my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He kissed a someone with a penis
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
