My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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