Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize