plz talk dirty to me
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
