Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
