so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
