Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
