i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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