I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
