If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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