eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
