It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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