My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
