Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
