BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
