dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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