i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
