I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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