we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
