You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
