Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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